The lady(ies) doth protest too much

-Sigh-

Ok.

This post has been coming for some time…yet I am still having trouble starting!

When reading blogs/news stories etc, my favorite part is reading the comments. Indeed, I love to hate it as, more often than not, the comments stir up emotions in me more so than the original piece. Over the past year or so I have noticed a trend in the whole natural birth vs medicated birth debate that I am finally commenting on myself, here. I have waited on this for two reasons…(1) I wanted to make sure it wasn’t a one off or that I was being oversensitive to the issue and (2) fear of backlash – however, no one reads this blog so this reason is defunct! Okay, the issue then…

Many women who have had (or plan to have) medicated birth are vicious and disrespectful to the natural birth mothers. I am not offended by the fact that you had an epidural, this does not offend me. Why are you offended by me talking about my choice?

“No, it’s the other way around, you hippies think that we are low down for wanting an epidural so we have to fight your opinion on this board”.

Hmmm. 

You know, I read a lot of this stuff. A lot. And I can read a discussion board where natural birth advocates are discussing the issues and all of a sudden a commenter will chime in with something like this:-

“What does it take to be a “doula”?  Two weeks at adult ed?  If that’s your choice, knock yourself out.  It’s none of my business how you choose to give birth.  I would never in a million years risk giving birth anywhere but in a hospital with doctors present, but I’m not going to tell you what to do.  I just wish I had the same courtesy. 

I don’t understand the militancy.  I don’t understand why the “natural birth” movement is so virulent in their disgust for women who choose, or those who don’t have a choice to go a different route.  My health and the health of my children, actually our very lives, depended on immediate medical intervention.  In my case, it was the only responsible thing to do.  Still, I have been told that I was “duped” that I’m “ignorant of my ‘real’ choices” and all sorts of other vile, mean spirited things.”

Ok. Its alright for her to express these feelings…I guess.

The problem is, the previous posts had said nothing to provoke this reaction. They were actually just reiterating the woman’s right to have a choice in the birth process. And this happens on almost every board I see. The people who get really intense and vile during these discussions are the women who have had birth interventions, they are the finger pointers, the provocateurs of the argument. The natural Mommas generally report facts, statistics, past experiences for debate, I have never seen a mother who delivered naturally bring down a woman because she wanted an epidural.

Most natural Mommas state “hey, you can do what you like, I couldn’t give a tiny rat’s ass if you want a cesarean…I just know that that is not right for me”.

Indeed, this has happened to me personally when I petitioned a group on Baby Center for some research. I asked whether any expecting mothers had considered or been encouraged to try natural childbirth during the course of their pregnancy. I was instantly accused of being inflammatory and “having the nerve” to ask this of women in their third trimester and about to give birth. 

It’s obvious what’s going on here right? Textbook psychology…that will no doubt get me into trouble. Screw it…

When people make decisions for themselves, and they are not 100% happy with those decisions, and they are in denial about that…this is what they do. They attack – believing that they are being attacked too, even though they are not. A thief thinks that every one else is a thief. The bully bullies to feel better about themselves. These ladies doth protest too much.

We are not attacking you. I will never attack you or your decisions. Because that’s what they are, your decisions. Open your eyes to the words that we write instead of blindly seeing what you anticipate us to say. I understand you may have some anger that you need to work through, but don’t work it out through us. We are not against women who have epidurals or c-sections, if you want it, get it. If it’s deemed necessary, that’s cool too, I really don’t care. I have issues with the system, the education, information, inaccuracy and the catastrophization (new word?!) of pregnancy and birth. All in all, I don’t care about YOU!

That last part isn’t strictly true by the way, I do care about you, that’s the point. I care about you, dear stranger, enough to not put you down for ANY decision you believe is right for you. 

There is too much negativity…it’s ugly.

Be happy ladies, for everyone’s sake.