Comments on: Cry it Out http://laboroflife.com/2009/10/02/cry-it-out/ Natural childbirth, parenting and living Wed, 17 Feb 2010 03:59:48 -0500 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.3 hourly 1 By: Chris Akins http://laboroflife.com/2009/10/02/cry-it-out/comment-page-1/#comment-47 Chris Akins Fri, 02 Oct 2009 21:33:00 +0000 http://laboroflife.com/?p=627#comment-47 I believe Mindy is right on. From a developmental psychology point of view an infant simply cannot learn to "self sooth." During what is known as the primary narcissistic phase, from birth to about 18-24 months, the infant views itself as the center of the universe, and its parents as beings that are there for no other purpose than to care for it. An infant in its primary narcissitic phase cannot differentiate between the "lesson" it is being taught (to self sooth) and mere abandonment by its primary caretakers. What an infant is doing is learning that Mommy and Daddy are not there to sooth them, which is devastating to its concept of self and the world around it. This is a very significant (and bad) realization for an infant in its primary narcissistic phase to learn. The perceived abandonment by the primary caregivers can result in damage to the infants self-esteem and self worth that may lead to long lasting, or even permanent psychological disorders; e.g. - narcissistic personality disorder, borderline personality disorder and/or others. Now, before the hate mail starts flowing... I am not judging those parents who choose the "cry it out" method... and I am not saying its 100% certain that if you choose the cry it out method that your child will be a narcissist or sociopath as an adult. It may be that the empathic support the child is given at all other times compensates for the abandonment of the child at bedtime. I simply don't know. And as Gemma says in her post, we are truly blessed with Scarlet so I cannot imagine how hard it would be to deal with a child who simply will not sleep. I would not want to walk in those shoes. I empathize for those parents who have infants that simply will not sleep. I am just stating my opinion that whatever the motive or situation, there is a risk that simply leaving the infant to cry it out may have long lasting effects that can follow the child into adulthood and beyond. Chris I believe Mindy is right on. From a developmental psychology point of view an infant simply cannot learn to “self sooth.” During what is known as the primary narcissistic phase, from birth to about 18-24 months, the infant views itself as the center of the universe, and its parents as beings that are there for no other purpose than to care for it. An infant in its primary narcissitic phase cannot differentiate between the “lesson” it is being taught (to self sooth) and mere abandonment by its primary caretakers.

What an infant is doing is learning that Mommy and Daddy are not there to sooth them, which is devastating to its concept of self and the world around it. This is a very significant (and bad) realization for an infant in its primary narcissistic phase to learn. The perceived abandonment by the primary caregivers can result in damage to the infants self-esteem and self worth that may lead to long lasting, or even permanent psychological disorders; e.g. – narcissistic personality disorder, borderline personality disorder and/or others.

Now, before the hate mail starts flowing… I am not judging those parents who choose the “cry it out” method… and I am not saying its 100% certain that if you choose the cry it out method that your child will be a narcissist or sociopath as an adult. It may be that the empathic support the child is given at all other times compensates for the abandonment of the child at bedtime. I simply don’t know.

And as Gemma says in her post, we are truly blessed with Scarlet so I cannot imagine how hard it would be to deal with a child who simply will not sleep. I would not want to walk in those shoes. I empathize for those parents who have infants that simply will not sleep.

I am just stating my opinion that whatever the motive or situation, there is a risk that simply leaving the infant to cry it out may have long lasting effects that can follow the child into adulthood and beyond.

Chris

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