Okay.
I know that I am probably jinxing myself to the hilt with this post, but it’s an important topic so let’s go!
Scarlet. Is. An Angel.
Scarlet had colic when she was a newborn and that sucked. She would wind herself up into such a state during the evening that getting everyone to sleep was really hard. However, since that phase passed…heaven.
She started sleeping through the night extemely early on. I can’t quite remember how old, but probably around 1 month old she started sleeping through. And MAN, that girl can sleep! Once she goes down, she will generally sleep at least eight hours. Yup, AT LEAST eight. Often ten or twelve hours.
Now, she refuses to sleep during the day for any length of time, maybe an hour at around 1pm and that’s it. But don’t get me wrong, I am not complaining! I would much rather her not nap and sleep through, which is where we are now. Bring on the hate commenters!
I sometimes dread the thought of having another child! Because I know that my karma will come around and put us through the agony of a non-sleeper…it’s gonna happen, it wouldn’t be fair otherwise, right?
So, with that in mind, onto the topic of “cry it out”.
I just don’t think that Icould do it. I would die. I just couldn’t handle it, more so, my husband definately couldn’t handle it! We have been so spoiled with Scarlet that anytime she even complains slightly it is a HUGE deal to us!
So, bearing in mind that I have a golden child, I just can’t get to grips with the whole “cry it out” thing. I just don’t agree with it.
Here are the Momversation ladies discussing the topic. I have to say, I totally agree with Mindy from The Mommy Blog when she talks about the baby “giving up”.
HOWEVER! I also agree with Heather’s point that you have to find what works for YOUR family. A happy Mom and family = happy baby. Right on Heather. She did what she had to do and it worked for them. That’s all that we can do as a family, isn’t it?
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{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }
I believe Mindy is right on. From a developmental psychology point of view an infant simply cannot learn to “self sooth.” During what is known as the primary narcissistic phase, from birth to about 18-24 months, the infant views itself as the center of the universe, and its parents as beings that are there for no other purpose than to care for it. An infant in its primary narcissitic phase cannot differentiate between the “lesson” it is being taught (to self sooth) and mere abandonment by its primary caretakers.
What an infant is doing is learning that Mommy and Daddy are not there to sooth them, which is devastating to its concept of self and the world around it. This is a very significant (and bad) realization for an infant in its primary narcissistic phase to learn. The perceived abandonment by the primary caregivers can result in damage to the infants self-esteem and self worth that may lead to long lasting, or even permanent psychological disorders; e.g. – narcissistic personality disorder, borderline personality disorder and/or others.
Now, before the hate mail starts flowing… I am not judging those parents who choose the “cry it out” method… and I am not saying its 100% certain that if you choose the cry it out method that your child will be a narcissist or sociopath as an adult. It may be that the empathic support the child is given at all other times compensates for the abandonment of the child at bedtime. I simply don’t know.
And as Gemma says in her post, we are truly blessed with Scarlet so I cannot imagine how hard it would be to deal with a child who simply will not sleep. I would not want to walk in those shoes. I empathize for those parents who have infants that simply will not sleep.
I am just stating my opinion that whatever the motive or situation, there is a risk that simply leaving the infant to cry it out may have long lasting effects that can follow the child into adulthood and beyond.
Chris